Thanks to that movie Amélie everyone thinks they’re being cute or adventurous by taking a gnome with them on a trip. A few years ago an acquaintance of mine was “doing Europe” (that shit makes me groan) by seeing like 15 countries in 60 days. If you figured out this ridiculous math problem, then your answer would be 4 days per country. I’d rather spend 60 days in one country to tell you the truth. It’s a more meaningful way to experience the culture’s in and outs, then just getting another stamp on your passport and showing off to your friends that you saw Italy, even though you were there for five seconds. Anyway, the point of this story is the dude’s gnome broke in half while he was in the first country. That might be a sign of bad luck, and even though he had a great time, he admitted that he should have gone to less places. No, really? DUH!!!
Well, if he wasn’t so busy traveling from Denmark to France and back to Greece and stopped to take a goddamn breath, then he could have paid a visit to the Gnome Reserve and Museum. On England’s Devon/Cornwall border lies a magical world, home to over a thousand garden gnomes. There are ponds, woods, meadows, streams and flowers, which is lovely for picture-taking I’m sure, but people just want to see the freakin’ fantastical “Earthmen” (that was a geeky Narnia reference for you). The reserve is recommended for “adults whose sophistication has robbed them of a freshness of vision”…um, does that mean pessimists are allowed? Cool! Even though it costs money, there are free gnome hats and fishing poles as well as the opportunity to see the pottery pixies made on site. Oh, and there is tea! Remember it’s not the destination that’s important, it’s the journey. And the journey is sitting quietly with tea and cake and scones while surrounded by gnomes. Word.